(If anyone gets that movie reference^, leave it in my comments. You’ll win an invisible high-five)
My dream is back. God has given me many dreams over the years. Some of them are beautiful, others terrifying. Every God given dream I’ve had is meant to teach me something huge, and direct me back to Him and the calling He’s placed on my life. Only one is recurring. And it’s back.
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I’m driving along at my normal speed. I’ve been in this car for all of the time I can remember. It’s the only thing that moves me forward in this life. The only thing I pay attention to is the road directly in front of me. Suddenly I notice that there is no steering wheel in this car. There are no handles on the doors. I can’t control where I’m going and I can’t get out. I start to panic. The car starts going faster and faster and the road ahead of me starts getting bumpier. In the distance, I see a cliff. As I look out the windows, desperate for a way to escape, I see death and destruction. Chaos is all around me, but I barely notice it. I’m flying past it so fast that everything is fuzzy.
But off to the right, steady and unmoving, never leaving my side, is the Tree. It’s taller than the other trees, that are only a greenish blur. Light radiates from all around it, and it’s drenched in white blossoms.
As I turn my focus to the Tree, the chaos around me ceases. The death and destruction fade away. I am no longer careening out of control toward the cliff. As I stare at the Tree I am enveloped in its light, and the greatest sense of calm overwhelms me. I am no longer moving. I am home.
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Jesus has revealed Himself to me in many ways over the years, but this is my favorite.
It’s easy to only pay attention to the road directly in front of me. I was in that place for so long. Moving along at the speed of life and only worrying about the next thing I was supposed to do. Focusing on my next step and the roadmap that had been laid out for me.
When I realized the path I was taking was headed straight for the edge of a cliff, I tried to stop it. But I hadn’t been controlling my own destination anyway. Other people had been making my decisions all along. Everything became chaotic. I started to panic and became depressed. Everywhere I looked things were becoming worse, and there was nothing I could do to change it.
But Jesus….
He never left my side. I hadn’t even noticed that He was there. He was unwavering through all of my mistakes and the chaos that surrounded me. When I turned my attention to Him, where my focus should have always been, He lifted me out of the mess I’d made and enveloped me in His Presence. He brought me home.
The story I just told sounds like the last few months of my life. It’s funny how God allows us to relive things, until they finally resonate in our spirits. I started having that dream in 2007. I was a different kind of mess then, than I am now, but He was always the same. The point was always the same.
I’ll forget the former friends who pretend not to see me in town. I’ll forget the fourth-grade girl drama that’s trying to find me. I’ll forget the pastor who didn’t do his job, and chose the gossip. I’ll forget my plans and my mistakes, my shallow success and my deep failure. I’ll forget the path not taken. I’ll forget the chaos and death and destruction. I’ll stop focusing on the things flying past me, because I choose to.
I’ll focus on my Jesus, and He’ll take me out of this place. He is taller, and stronger than any of the problems that overwhelm me. His beauty makes the ugly fade away. His Light wraps me up, and pulls me out of the darkness.
I’ve had a hard couple of weeks. I’ve felt rejected and belittled and betrayed. I wanted to jump up on my soapbox and scream my side of the story. But I really don’t want respect from people I don’t respect, do I? The need for fairness in this stupid town is the distraction I don’t need. My focus has to stay on Jesus, or the past few months will all be for nothing.
He loves me enough to remind me of things I should already know. He loves me enough to not let me sleep, and send me that dream, night after night, until I get it. If I focus on Him, this crazy life is His, and not my own.
Psalm 18
1I will love thee, O LORD, my strength.
2The LORD is my rock, and my fortress, and my deliverer; my God, my strength, in whom I will trust; my buckler, and the horn of my salvation, and my high tower.
3I will call upon the LORD, who is worthy to be praised: so shall I be saved from mine enemies.
4The sorrows of death compassed me, and the floods of ungodly men made me afraid.
5The sorrows of hell compassed me about: the snares of death prevented me.
6In my distress I called upon the LORD, and cried unto my God: he heard my voice out of his temple, and my cry came before him, even into his ears.
7Then the earth shook and trembled; the foundations also of the hills moved and were shaken, because he was wroth.
8There went up a smoke out of his nostrils, and fire out of his mouth devoured: coals were kindled by it.
9He bowed the heavens also, and came down: and darkness was under his feet.
10And he rode upon a cherub, and did fly: yea, he did fly upon the wings of the wind.
11He made darkness his secret place; his pavilion round about him were dark waters and thick clouds of the skies.
12At the brightness that was before him his thick clouds passed, hail stones and coals of fire.
13The LORD also thundered in the heavens, and the Highest gave his voice; hail stones and coals of fire.
14Yea, he sent out his arrows, and scattered them; and he shot out lightnings, and discomfited them.
15Then the channels of waters were seen, and the foundations of the world were discovered at thy rebuke, O LORD, at the blast of the breath of thy nostrils.
16He sent from above, he took me, he drew me out of many waters.
17He delivered me from my strong enemy, and from them which hated me: for they were too strong for me.
18They prevented me in the day of my calamity: but the LORD was my stay.
19He brought me forth also into a large place; he delivered me, because he delighted in me.
(Thanks for this passage Kendra. The day you sent it my life fell apart. God has always sent you at just the right moment.)